It's been a long time. I was excited to tell my stories about my delivery of my beautiful son, Preston, but after Ambrosia died, the wind was just sucked out of my sails. It feels like my family has been living in an alternate reality. Shit hit the fan with everything at home, Frankie, my stepfather called my mom a murderer and said it was her fault that Ambrosia was dead, and eventually my mom moved out and now they are separated. Ambrosia was cremated on February 25th. The day before that we had a viewing to go see her body. It ripped my heart right out of my body. Ambrosia and I were really close up until things started going bad in the past 6 months, and she was always really lively and vibrant and witty, and to just see her lying there, no life, no spirit in her... it was just brutal. I've never seen my mom like that before. I never imagined anything like this would ever happen to us. I've been angry with God, angry with Ambrosia, angry at the world and feeling all sorts of things that I just can't sort out at all. Everything becomes the first time. The first time I went back to work since she died, the first time Iv'e done this or done that. Ambrosia had a funeral mass on February 26th. The church was overcrowded with over 200 people showing up. It was hard. It's still hard. I talk to her everyday and beg for her to give me a sign that she hears. Nothing. When we told my 8 year old sister Chloe, a day or two after it happened, she was crying hysterically and reaching for the sky crying out "Ambrosia come back" and it just killed me. I'm sad for what Ambrosia did, and for what she did to my mom. Two days ago my mom called me up crying saying that Ambrosia must have really hated her, and that she must've done it to get back at her. (Someone Ambrosia knew called CPS the day afterwards and said that Ambrosia had killed herself to get back at her mom. This person is not a friend of Ambrosias and has been making CPS calls on us for months) I just wish my mom didn't have to feel like that. In the last months with Ambrosia sometimes it was rough, but that was definately not true that Ambrosia hated our mom or was doing this to get back at her.
A local band that Ambrosia was a fan of made a video for her.
Here it is. I can almost feel her around when I watch it.